Finding Solid Ground

Vista del valle de Zuriza, con los Alanos a la derecha. Achar de Alanos en primer plano.
By aherrero (Montes Alanos Uploaded by ecemaml) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
It’s about a month now that Jeff, my ex-husband and father of my 3 kids, unexpectedly died.

Since then, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride of feelings … sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, grief, anger,  …

Even depression has come in, as a friend, to numb the intensity.

Somehow I’ve just kept opening and greeting each one, putting aside the tendency to try and fix to avoid the pain, instead surrendering and surrendering …

Slowing down, way down, to make enough space without exception.

Feeling my heart tenderize with the delicate care of receiving myself again and again … tenderly holding the young one who lives inside.

Feeling softer and stronger now as the feelings are felt.

Enjoying the growing faith that dark places are portals.  Each one an opportunity for greater freedom and simple contentment.

As intense as each emotion feels, at the end of each passing storm, my soul relaxing into easy sweetness and the solid ground within …

How sweet to know, under all of those feelings, everything is okay and everything will be okay.  A sense of confidence and trust in what is and will be … Holy Faith.

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