This is an altered-to-conceal-the-real-person’s-identity story about a middle-aged woman who started dating after a decade of not dating.
Susan was dating guys off of an internet dating site. As soon as she would start to feel connected with one, he’d say he wanted to be friends. That happened a couple of times.
Each time, she felt terribly hurt. Overwhelmed with rejection. The thoughts came. “I really am worthless.” “I shouldn’t have even tried.” “What’s wrong with these men!”
She could stop dating to feel safe, from the inner voices. Or go under her inner voices and feel her vulnerability. The parts that longed to feel valued by and wanted back by these men.
She was determined to make a change in her life. So when she and I inquired, it turned out there were some old ways she didn’t feel wanted and valued by her dad that left her with a false belief about herself. Of unworthiness.
As Susan tenderly mourned those old hurts and as the hurts received the attention and compassion they had longed for, she felt stronger in herself. Ready to continue dating.
She was developing the inner and outer resources to be with whatever arose. Plus Susan was feeling more of her own value and desirablity.
I love these stories of resilience. We’re not doomed to be stuck in our old hurts forever. We can move through them. And kindness and compassion, from ourselves and from others who mentor us, are the keys that open the door for us to experience our True Self.
In peace and love, Teresa