Why I Write: Relating Heartfully to Unhappiness

I had the sensation “Write, write, write, …” when I started writing these blog posts, but I didn’t know what needs writing was meeting for me.

Photo courtesy of Henryk Kowalewski
Photo courtesy of Henryk Kowalewski

Like many of you, I was born into a family where there wasn’t much protection or support for me to grow up being truly myself, where my qualities were nurtured and my feelings and needs were encouraged.

So protector voices developed in me.  One voice said, “Always be a good girl.”  If I was a “good girl,” which meant certain behavior I knew was expected of me, I would be safe.  My protector voices were my inner source of safety when the outer source of safety wasn’t there.

Not only did my protector voices shame me when I wasn’t a “good girl,” I felt ashamed of having protector voices.  It’s been a cycle of unspeakable shame and aloneness.

As I’ve shown the light of awareness on these voices, there’s been healing. Understanding and mourning the shame has allowed for more of my true self to feel safe to come out.  And more joy and love.

So that’s why I want to go first.  To tell my feelings.  To tell my thoughts.  To share the unspeakable.  To help break down the barriers of shame. To make it a little easier for others.  So we’re not all alone in our shame.

Can you imagine a world where there’d be no hiding?  I want to be a light in the world for vulnerability and authenticity.

To make all our thoughts and feelings whole-heartedly worthy of being heard and accepted.

As Stephen Levine wrote in his book, Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings, “It is again a moment in which we learn that we will never know how to be happy until we have learned to relate heartfully to unhappiness.  Or as a friend says, ‘You can’t be happy ‘til you learn how to be unhappy.’”

How would it be to relate heartfully to your unhappiness and shame?

In peace and love, Teresa 

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