I returned from my trip to Guatemala late Saturday night. On Sunday morning I found my “Girl Kitten,” as I called her, dead.
I sat down in the sunroom of my house overlooking the garden where she used to scamper and romp, and I wept. I cried for most of the morning – mourning the loss of the amazing being that she was.
I gave myself the time to mourn. Holding myself tenderly.
As I was crying I noticed the difference in my process. I remembered times my mind would take me away with thoughts of “how did this happen?” or finding who’s to blame. Do these patterns of the mind resonate with you too? Instead I felt my heart completely melt into heartbrokenness. Without reservation. Accepting the reality with my simple humanity.
And as I mourned my loss, I felt the transformation to appreciation for the gift of her precious life in mine.
She was a fearless little 6 pound girl who never let her size get in the way of her wants. When I’d put out the food, she was the first one there, undaunted by the other 2 much larger feral cats in our household.
When I’d go out into the garden, she’d follow me from location to location. Or if she’d see me in the house, she’d be quick to make eye contact. So sweetly attentive.
Whenever I went to sit in the patio, I’d find her warm little body perched on my lap within a few seconds.
She gave and received love freely. She was completely committed to an interdependent relationship with me. AND at the same time she was fiercely independent. Confident in her autonomy.
She was a free spirit. So light and clear.
I feel blessed that she graced my life. My little bodhisattva.
Rest in peace my little one.